Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy

“Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy” is the title of the famous espionage novel from genre-master John LeCarre. Also, it’s the way I’ve been feeling lately. Let me explain…

Soldier:

Kosmo has been causing some damage under his right wing, where he had his really bad wound before. I guess it’s still itchy. The damage isn’t that bad, thankfully, because I found it quickly. Examining Kosmo for injuries is part of my soldiering duties, but I have even more hazardous tasks to perform. Because he is picking at himself again, I need to put a collar on him regularly, a process he fights with every ounce of his being. I don’t want to hurt him, so I try to restrain him. However, it’s really difficult to handle a struggling squirming parrot and, at the same time, attach a limp cloth collar around his neck. Tactically, I’ve been forced to use a weapon of defence, namely a sock hood, which scares the crap out of him, but allows me enough time to get the collar on. I’m not sure I’m cut out to be in the infantry.

Tailor:

This has almost become a full-time job. Making my own cloth collars has a lot of advantages. First I don’t have to pay for them (they’re not cheap.) As well, I’ve discovered that Kosmo doesn’t really need a big heavy collar – really anything around his neck stops him from over-preening, so I can make them light and small, which will ultimately bug him less. I had to give my dime-store sewing machine a complete overhaul, but it now seems to be working well. Sewing, however, is really hard on my neck and shoulder, so after a while, I end up in a lot of pain.

Spy:

I give Kosmo periods of the day without his collar on – I find this compromise works best because, the happier he is, the less obsessive behaviour he indulges in. However, during these periods, I have to watch him like a hawk (pun intended) because if he really hurts himself again, it will be off to the vet, which both Kosmo and I hate. Thus, I watch, but I still need to do all my daily tasks. So I’m working away on something, I pause, look over at him, if he’s not attacking his wing I go back to what I’m doing, if he is I yell “Kosmo” causing him stop and look guilty, repeat throughout the day. During these periods, I am The Watcher, but sometimes I forget, panic, and rush over to see if any damage was done; it’s exhausting.

Tinker:

One definition of a “Tinker” is an “unskilled or clumsy worker” which is often how I feel in my other jobs of Solider, Tailor and Spy. I’m doing my best, but I get so tired and so frustrated and honestly, sometimes I feel quite trapped; I just don’t see a way out. If I decide not to foster Kosmo, what’s the alternative? Who would take him on? He would probably end up living at a bird sanctuary, with little love or attention, and this would likely drive him to more destructive behaviour and that would undoubtedly lead to his end. I just couldn’t live with that.

Like George Smiley, the hero of the Cold War novel Tinker, Tailor, Solider, Spy, I am both dedicated to my cause, but suffer from the weight of its complexity. However, it is the mission I signed up for, so I’m going to give it my all.

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